I had been married before to a lying, cheating, abusive despicable excuse of a man..I should of known he was a horrible man because he had such hatred for his mother and prior girlfriend..but I was 16 when we met young, naive and inexperienced... I left the marriage in 1994 I bounced in and out of various types of bad relationships...until I met Pachenko in 2001 I looked to my friend and said I am going to marry that boy one day..and 1 year later May 2002 I did just that we got a sitter for my 3 girls found a JP and got married by the sweetest oldest judge in history...we then spent the evening at a favorite place of mine that happens to have little jacuzzi suites..I had gotten a small round single layer cake and put red flowers on top because we knew we were going to have red as are wedding color for our big wedding in 2004..
Anyways I was beyond ecstatic that day...then in 2004 we had a parasite a co-worker of Pachenkos who decided she liked my husband better then her own..I almost let her innuendos ruin our marriage ...nothing happened between them my husband is a pillar of strength and now all these years later I realize how very lucky I am to have him..he is amazing..for 5 years I pushed and pushed him away..
I let all my doubts and insecurities eat away at the love and trust I originally had in my husband ..to the point that I told him to go away..I needed space and time to think..to re-evaluate what was important if I wanted to stay married...
It wasn't until Pachenko left to go to BCT in Sept 2009 with me still wanting that space..once he was gone I started realizing how much I did love him, miss him and want to save our marriage...So I made my decision that my marriage comes first now that I want to focus on making that stronger and building it back to where it use to be..
Absence does make the heart grow fonder...
when all is said and done we will be apart for 8 months...but even though I miss him it's the best thing that has ever happened to us..to our marriage...today I watched Fireproof I had heard mixed reviews from people from it's got tons of religious overtures to it was amazing..I am going with it was amazing I was already on the right path to keeping my marriage strong but I think it's important that my husband and I don't take each other for granted ever again..
I have already suggested Fireproof to a friend having problems..and will continue to do so...I also felt the overwhelming urge to email my husband an apology...He doesn't know I watched Fireproof I don't even know if he knows about the movie..maybe when all is said and done I will tell him about it..until then I am glad that he had enough love, patience and faith in me and our marriage to put up with my insecure craziness...I am glad I found my sanity, cleared my mind, got my head on straight and followed my heart back to where it's always been ...with my soul mate..I love you Pachenko...who by the way never reads my blog :D