Sunday, October 18, 2009

P.S I Love You...from Boot Camp (the things heard in the silence)

Pachenko is currently in Boot Camp in a far away State. So being how we are doing the snail mail for the most part communications pass each other on the mail route. Things have been tough financially so sitting at my desk trying to write a positive cheerful letter to my sweet husband I would keep getting as far as "I Love you, I miss you, the kids love and miss you, we are so proud of you, we are all fine and everything is great" I have a notebook full of these started letters...I never get any farther then this..I miss my husband and love him very much but I don't lie and to me I feel like by writing this I am lying.
I know that the last thing my husband needs is to be worrying about things he can't possibly do anything about back at home. The Army, his boot camp training is where his focus should be, 100% on that which is what I want.
So I start another letter that goes unfinished. As I sit there with pen to paper my cell rings and it's Pachenko 4 kids are sick with horrible colds and now I have it too I am toughing it out..As I answer the phone he says " Hi babe I only have 5 mins I love you" I return the " I love you, the kids love you, we miss you, are you ok? how are things going?" and he says " what's wrong? and I sigh and say " nothing at all" I just lied to my husband I know I did it with his best intentions but the truth would of made him worry..
I was getting pretty stretched thin at the end the night before payday I cracked open my emergency change jar and paid for gas with $20.00 in dimes with a stack of shut-off notices for all our bills for the day after payday. I sat praying that he'd get paid his 1st pay check and I wouldn't have to wait until the 1st of November as I waited for midnight to come I signed onto the bank website patiently waiting for the clock to say 12AM and I was crushed at 12:15AM that no he did not get paid. I stressed, cried, tossed and turned all night worrying what I would do after a restless night of sleep I slept in not wanting to deal with calling all the bill collectors and asking for any more extensions. I rolled out of bed with a heart full of dread feeling like I had let down my husband and my daughters because obviously I had failed keeping it all running smoothly while my husband was gone.
I figured it was time to face the music so I signed online to make sure the depressing $8.00 I had in the bank was still there. I was stunned to see that my husbands pay was deposited. God, Government Doesn't matter who but my prayer was answered so within seconds I was paying every possible bill I could pay online I wiped out 90% of his check paying bills but the relief I felt was worth it.
I got a letter today from Pachenko and I am going to share a part of it with y'all so you can see how much what we don't say can weigh on our Soldiers..when he called I was quiet, withdrawn, feeling defeated and just not my normal self. So here is what Pachenko said:
"Dear Jenni Wynne you sounded upset with me on the phone. If I did something to make you mad I'm sorry! The last thing I want right now is to be here knowing that you're mad at me. The training, the pt, the drill sergeants yelling, little sleep, no free time.. IS ALL EASY for me there's nothing we've done yet that has made me say " I hate this" the only thing that is difficult for me is being away from you and the kids. Sometimes I find it hard to focus because all I can think about is how much I miss you and the kids that is why when I called I didn't say much it's hard for me to Not get upset when I hear your voice. I just miss you and the kids and can't wait to see you all again. You are everything I could possibly want in a woman and I am proud to call you my wife" then a bunch of personal stuff lol and then P.S. I Love You
from boot camp
I wrote my husband a long letter today I told him how I had a cold, how I was happy he called and that everything was running smoothly and as I wrote "I Love you, I miss you, the kids love and miss you, we are so proud of you, we are all fine and everything is great" I meant every word of it...As I rushed to finish the letter, shoving it into an envelope I took off to the post office up to the counter I go..The mail lady asks me how I want it sent I say OVER NIGHT IT even if they hold it until mail day at least I know it will be there for the mail lady puts my letter into an overnight envelope I ask her for it I write lovingly on the back P.S. I love You ...from home

Thursday, October 1, 2009

my blog posted on AWN- Surving my 1st week of Pachenkos boot camp..

my husband left a week ago today..I just got a letter from him it was nice sounds like reception week is going good for him address yet to send mail too hopefully sometime this week when he actually gets with his unit and officially starts boot camp which is suppose to be tomorrow. As I have mentioned in previous blogs I was previously married to a sailor in the Navy a single parent of 3 and a Air Force brat. Pachenko and I have been married since 2001 with my past experience with military life I thought I was prepared but boy did I have it wrong lol.. it turns out that when you are happily married and really like your husband you actually miss turns out I realized about 24 hours after he was gone that I love my husband to distraction.. So I thought I would share this with you ladies who probably know where I am coming from or are currently in the same situation.

I never really realized how well my husband and I compliment each other, how we work together to tag team our life as a family to keep it running smoothly. I figured when he left I would just go back to running the house like I did when I was a single parent..I guess I didn't take into consideration I now have 4 extra kids to keep in line..

I hate cooking dinner more like I hate thinking about what to make for dinner I seriously am entertaining the idea of taking the kids to the grocery store and letting them buy every kids cuisine meal our freezer will hold..then reality sets in my kids have eaten kids cuisines at the most 10 times in there lives hence it would be exciting for a day or two but then the novelty would wear off. So I cook " I cringed as I wrote that" I did let the kids pick dinner a couple times one night they choose to make homemade pizza it is amazing the topping combination's the girls came up with when the "meat eater" is gone! Another night they had french toast, eggs and sausage another thing that Pachenko hates no breakfast for dinner when the dads home. My husband is an AWESOME cook we prefer dads cooking but we all will suffer until he is home again.

1. day 2 I forgot to pick up my pre k daughter up at her bus stop bad mom award big time..but I sort of have some justification the bus did come 10 minutes early so even if I did go I would of already missed the bus.

Day 3 Next off my brain suffers from Fibro-Fog it completely slipped my mind that our towns schools get out early on Wednesdays. See Pachenko pulls car duty he does drop off and pick up usually and I stay home with the twins and 2 little boys I baby sit. Ok so the man is gone and I have 4 kids under 4yrs old and have to go to school to pick up my 6yr old..

Day 5 I got up at 6AM Saturday and went to work ummmm yep you guessed right I forgot I took the weekend off 2 months ago I was suppose to go to a scrapbooking retreat (scheduled before dh got his leave date) ok so my manager laughed and asked me if I wanted to do the paperwork and at least it occupied me for 2 hours lol

Other little things that I have endured every time someone comes to the door the babies (who are 2 1/2 yrs old) scream with joy daddies home!!! then once again I have to remind all the girls that Pachenko won't be home until Christmas. My 4 1/2 yr old (the poor forgotten child) wanted to know where daddy was I said "far away"she asked "faraway like the grocery store?" lol I said "no faraway like the moon" ok so now she told everyone her daddy is on the moon! Montana to Georgia that is sort like going to the moon lol. In some ways I am just as bad I keep expecting my husband to walk in the door obviously that is not going to happen. When my cell phone starts singing at me I get so excited hoping it's a text message from the man however it's not. I can honestly say I have never been a bored person I always have something to do or that I am looking forward to doing when I have some free here I sit keeping myself occupied I never saw ArmyWives before I always wondered what all the hoop-la is I watched all of season 1 and 2 in 4 days lol and have started season 3...I am addicted lol

So ladies I am interested in hearing your stories of your first weeks of your husband being away either boot camp, AIT or deployment leave me a comment..