Thursday, June 3, 2010

Am I the only one who sizes up potential Army wife friends?

During my coffee time I like to hop on and browse what is up with my fellow Army wives. It is sorta like browsing the personal ads at times Oooh she looks nice, Oh she is funny, sometimes I laugh, sometimes I tear up, sometimes I can relate and sometimes I think OMG what were they thinking. So I send out a friend request or screen ones I receive.. Lately I have seen alot of negative posts (not on here) about the state of peoples marriages being  unhappy, cheating, considering cheating I just sit back and think where are all the happily married people. No marriage is perfect and I think any one who says they have one should write a book because I would love to see some tips on how to have one.
When my husband got orders to Germany I started browsing as many online sites as I could find to get information on everything from what you need to do to get command sponsorship to the neighboring towns I love research. However one of the more disturbing things that I came across was postings claiming that your marriage will end in divorce if you get stationed in Germany, your husband will cheat, your husband will leave you and all the other stuff that comes with it. So as I browse through these postings of course there are comments from others saying the opposite and some where people actually agreed. Now overall the reasons that I found for the supposed unhappy marriages when you PCS to Germany are
1. the amount of time your husband is there before you get command sponsorship approval " If your husband is living in barracks as a single soldier he will be out drinking and having sex with hookers in the redlight district. supposedly all husbands do this and if you don't get concurrent travel then yep your marriage is doomed.
2. you the wife are going to be so far away from family & friends that you will nag him and he will decide to cheat on you, leave you or send you back to the states..
3. That if command sponsorship takes too long and he is enjoying single life he will tell you it is taking too long and just to stay in the USA which supposedly mean he has replaced you.
4. That you the wife will be so bored & isolated at a small post in Germany that you will want to leave
5. That there a zillion German girls looking for US Soldiers to marry them so it's really easy to get a woman..
6. That you the Army wife will cheat when he is deployed..
As a newer Army wife I find the above appalling and hopefully enough Army wives will post some positives about PCS-ing to Germany and living there that the bad stuff will be over looked. I trust my husband and I figure if I trust him here in the states why can't I trust him in another country? and if I can't have faith and trust in our marriage when we are apart for a couple months that doesn't bode well for a year or more deployment.

It is a given that in this career choice our husbands will be gone for extended periods of time, at times we will end up living in different states or even different countries but it is a life style we chose. I know people change, relationships change, our needs change.  Sure the separations and distances apart can wreak havoc on even a stable committed marriage but how can we as a group fix this misconception about Germany and also the bad rep that we are getting because of other Army wives cheating? How do we fight the stereotypical lumped together category of "Army wives cheat when their husbands are away?"
 I am happily married, I love my husband to distraction, he is not perfect, sometimes his jokes aren't very funny  but I miss him, our daughters miss him and we are looking forward to all living together as a family again.  Now I find myself being selective in forming friendships with other Army wives sizing them up I guess I figure I want to be around other wives who I can relate to. Is this normal do you screen your potential friends?

1 comment:

禎峰 said...
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