In our time of doubt we turn to friends ..

As I am floundering my way through my budding relationship with God the double whammy of tragedy in our small community has me reaching out to a virtual friend who offered support, advice, wisdom and friendship to me previously with the loss of our Battle buddy, neighbor and friend previously.  Once again I find myself seeking out her wisdom here is a letter I wrote to her seeking her wisdom on a topic she knows only too well 


Hyla, 


I have never been overly religious I believe in God and all that but I finally quit asking WHY and shut up enough to listen for an answer 
Once again I am sending you a msg on May 17th we lost a Soldier to a motorcycle accident a few hours after he and I chatted as we dropped our daughters off at school...he was getting out of the Army in June headed to the "safety" of a civilian job he has 3 small daughters 5yrs old and under and his wife is expecting daughter number four in a couple months. As I was driving into Head Quarters I was speaking to God Instead of asking why I told God I know things happen for a reason and I might not see or know what the reason is I then prayed for the Soldier, his wife, daughters and for healing and in my head when I started to feel sadness I heard "Blaze of Glory" by Bon Jovi as the days past whenever I would start to feel sad I would hear the song again, I saw his picture and heard the song again (I don't think I have gone bonkers but I have noticed alot lately and prior to this when something was troubling me a part of a song would pop into my head) 
when I was worried about my husband when he was in transit for Deployment I heard "A horse with no name", when I was worred about what people would think of how I am doing things in my life I heard " It's my life" By Bon Jovi 
..as devestated as we have been just sending her off to the states this past Thursday to bury her husband
....Yesterday we suffered another loss one of our helicopters went down and we lost 2 more Soliders one of them who recently left my Co to join another Co which sent him to a different location then my husband they are all deployed...his wife is a friend of mine 
the other day out of the blue I found a movie on youtube which actually worked alot of youtube videps don't work for us over here anyways it's a series of Movies called "Love Comes Softly" the books are by Janette Oke I don't know if you have seen them or read them but they are amazing ...based on love, loss, faith, healing and life going on ..I think coming across them was a gift from above the timing is perfect and instead of hearing a song this time.....I hear " Love Comes Softly" my friend is beautiful, young and smart so much more life to come ahead of her it gives me hope that she will find happiness again...like you
Once again Hyla Thank you for your story & your fb statuses of life continuing after loss


Jenni 

Is that you God?

Oldest left to get married see previous blog named "Oh how fast they grow", Husband deployed see previous blog named  "The Beginning of a Deployment 2012"

A while ago I started praying more, I never really pray for something for myself, I pray for my husband, my daughters, my extended family, my Soldiers, my Outlaw wives & there families, I pray for friends, neighbors, strangers...I am not a overly religious person I believe in God and in a greater purpose. I have randomly found myself talking to God its obviously a one sided conversation but as I talk and ponder the topic sometimes part of a song will pop in my head ...I never thought to much of it but over the past month its happened pretty regularly and the songs are always fitting..

Once again I found myself in a situation I didn't want to be in. Driving home I tell God I know that you have a reason for every thing and at times the reason is not obvious to us here ...I need just a sign everything is going to be all right ...and once more a part of a song pops in my head...I drive on and later that night I say I just don't understand why...the song verse pops in my head...as a friend posts a photo of our lost Outlaw once again the song pops in my head...So is this where God is answering me? I forsee a blog about this in the future ...for the recent events to raise questions of WHY?? the answer I keep hearing is "I'm goin' down in a blaze of glory"


I wake up in the mornin'
And I raise my weary head
I got an old coat for a pillow
And the earth was last night's bed
I don't know where I'm goin'
Only God knows where I've been
I'm a devil on the run
A six gun lover
A candle in the wind, yeah

You're brought into this world
But they say you're born in sin
Well at least they've given me something
I didn't have to steal or have to win
Well, they tell me that I'm wanted
Yeah I'm a wanted man
I'm colt in your stable
I'm what Cain was to Able
Mister catch me if you can

I'm goin' down in a blaze of glory
(Down)
Take me now but know the truth
I'm goin' down in a blaze of glory
(Down)
Lord I never drew first
But I drew first blood
I'm no one's son
Call me young gun

You ask about my conscience
And I offer you my soul
You ask if I'll grow to be a wise man
Well I ask if I'll grow old
You ask me if I known love
And what it's like to sing songs in the rain?
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/b/bon-jovi-lyrics/blaze-of-glory-lyrics.html ]
Well, I've seen love come
I've seen it shot down
I've seen it die in vain

Shot down in a blaze of glory
(Down)
Take me now but know the truth
But I'm going down in a blaze of glory
(Down)
Lord, I never drew first
But I drew first blood
I'm a devil's son
Call me young gun
Yeah

Each night I go to bed
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
No, I ain't lookin' for forgiveness
But before I'm six foot deep
Lord, I got to ask a favor
And I'll hope you'll understand
'Cause I've lived life to the fullest
Let this boy die like a man
Starin' down the bullet
Let me make my final stand

Shot down in a blaze of glory
(Down)
Take me now but know the truth
I'm going down in a blaze of glory
(Down)
Lord, I never drew first
But, I drew first blood
I'm no one's son
Call me young gun

I'm the young gun
Young gun, yea eee yea
Young gun

Communication style letters to the sand box

Oldest left to get married see previous blog named "Oh how fast they grow", Husband deployed see previous blog named  "The Beginning of a Deployment 2012" 

I think about our grandparent, I think about our mothers, I think about the generations of military wives who walked this path before us. I am sure they are looking on our generation thinking we have some things a little easier then them they had. They lived with snail mail while we have email me, there were no good phone calls then now we have instant messages, text messaging, skype ...Are we blessed or does today's technology make it more difficult? 

See to me I don't like skype the connection is horrible, the time delay frustrates me and our daughters don't understand why it takes daddy 5 mins to answer a question and why his face freezes and jerks around..

To keep myself from being worried about him I don't want to get into a routine of expecting phone calls at a certain time to me that just sets you up for worry.."Something horrible has happened it is 10:05AM and I haven't heard from my husband today he calls everyday at 10:05AM !!!" instead of being joyous when you get that surprise phone call you are left worrying about why you haven't gotten a expected call. When it comes to Deployments you should be prepared for the unexpected things happen, things change, communication is not guaranteed to always work power lines, phone lines can be out of service. Maybe I am old school or Retro give me snail mail any day I love old air mail envelopes could be the red, white and blue..patriotic envelopes how can you go wrong? So my question is what way do you like to stay in touch with your loved one? 

The Beginning of A Deployment 2012

So we dropped Pachenko off driving away the big girls in tears we arrived a family of 8 we are now a family of 7....to some that missing of 2 family members wouldn't seem like a lot in such a big family but it means less cooking and quieter nights..

Now that it is over and Pachenko is safely home from Deployment I will post a little about deployment and life during it. Right before Pachenko left we said good bye to our oldest Kathryn she decided she was grown and ready to go out into the adult world. She left home and went to Texas with her new boyfriend long story short she is an adult and even though I see this not ending well she has to make her own mistakes in life... So we are now down to 6 daughters at home making us a family of 8. Then the big day came we took Pachenko to the Hanger to send him off on deployment. People say it is hard on little kids the truth is look at the photo below our 2nd oldest Julianna knows she will be going to prom in a week, graduating high school in a month, leaving for college in 3 months and her daddy will miss all of this. Our 3rd oldest knows her daddy is going to miss her birthday, that she is going to be the oldest sister in the house in 3 months both girls know the reality of war, of  a deployment that dads and moms deploy and sometimes sadly they don't go come home. Look at our 4 little ones faces they know that their daddy is leaving that he will be home in January for the twins birthday. They don't see that as a long time because we are marking it off with big events Julianna will be graduating in June, then we have 4th of July which means a lot to military children, Ballet classes, Cheer leading Camp, Gymnastics and then a couple fun trips mom planned to kill time, then Julianna will leave for college, they will start back to school, Halloween, Thanksgiving and then Christmas having those big count downs helped pass the time.. 

                                                No greater love then a girl and her daddy

No matter how old they get little girls still need their daddies 

oh how fast they grow ....

The beginning of our life changes we started as a family of 9 but now we are a family of 8...

Well I keep having to remind myself this is real and has really happened but Kathryn has grown up and flew the hen house not exactly the way I wanted her too but I can honestly say even though I wanted her to follow a different path all you can do is wish your children happiness and she is happy

Kathryn met a soldier and decided he was the one and yes the photo below is them exchanging vows my baby grew up and got married. It is so weird saying my daughters married her father and I hosted a bridal shower for them but they went back to the states to get married her dad and I were unable to be there but Daniels parents were which I am very happy about which is how I have photographic proof it actually is real.. Some times I catch myself and remember wow she is married now, not only that she is a step mother talk about double whammy ...No I am not taking on the roll of doting grandmother at this point in life we will see what happens down the road...a long ways down the road lol

So Congratulations to my daughter Kathryn and new son in law Daniel