A little bit of married gal wisdom...

For years I have listened to my girlfriends complaining about wanting their husbands/boyfriends to do something romantic for Valentines day, Anniversaries, birthdays or just random romantic gestures..They plot, conspire with one another on ways to drop hints and strategic billboards  " I WANT THIS, DO THIS, COURT ME".  The conversation with one friend saying to me "I wish he'd buy me Flowers and a card for Valentines Day" and me replying " Do you want me to drop a hint to him?"  tossed around in my head consuming my sleeping thoughts...I woke up with a mission WHY? Why do we have to drop hints, plot, conspire and turn to our girlfriends to nudge our men into Romantic gestures? Everyday life pushes and pulls us... marriages fall into routine ruts...we become robotic spouses like room~mates living together meeting for meals and hey if we are lucky sex once in awhile...taking each other for granted and hopefully not drifting too far apart..Marriages fail too much statistics back this up.  How many marriages would be saved with a little effort from both spouses..Marriages like all relationships have stages of course the honeymoon stage is always the best everything is all lovey dove and rosey...but when you move on to the stages in the marriage that actually have depth where you have to work, deal with money, children, responsibilities yes real life. Marriages crumble you have 2 choices in a marriage grow together or grow a part...As a marriage grows it needs nurtured if you neglect it and don't tend it or pay attention to it then it will grow in all different directions like a rampant weed..not like the climbing rose it could be..So why not take a stance and actually work on your relationship. A good relationship like a climbing rose needs a trellis to climb the bigger and sturdier the trellis is the beautifuler fuller the rose will grow...My hope is to create a beautiful and full marriage for myself leading the example for my friends and for my own daughters in their marriages and relationships...So to get started you have to acknowledge you want better out of your marriage..when you begin to walk on any garden path there is always a first stepping stone to lead you...
Step one bring back some of the honeymoon period...The joy of dating and courting: what your wife/girlfriend doesn't tell you but tells her girlfriends. She wants romance and not just on Valentines day but it's a good time to start...
See women show men love by cooking, making your house a home, loving your children and taking care of your laundry...Women want Flowers, Chocolate, Jewelry and mushy cards proclaiming your love for us.
You don't need to break the bank we don't need all those things..mix and match or even one of those with a loving gesture cook a romantic dinner or surprise her with take out (always let her know not to make dinner if you are bringing something home) clean up the house do a chore she hates...Valentines day is on a Sunday this year ...if you have kids light some candles in the bathroom about 11AM Saturday fill up the tub with hot steamy water and bath salts or bubbles lay out a fluffy towel kiss your wife shove her into the bath room get your kids and take them to lunch at McDonalds ...read the paper while they play at playland take some pics of your kids on your blackberry stop by the grocery store and pick up something for dinner and be prepared to woo your wife on Valentines Day...Walmart & Grocery stores sell Dozen roses year long for $14 or less Skip the vase and florist shops..pick up clear vase at the store and keep it filled with flowers all year long..
The dollar store & Walmart sell wonderful cards $1 or less thinking of you, love you as well as for all those Hallmark Holidays...Court your wife you might just like the results you get..
OH AND WHEN WE SAY WE DON'T WANT THESE THINGS OR NOT TO WASTE MONEY ON THEM WE ARE LYING..WE WANT YOU TO BUDGET THEM IN SOME HOW THROUGH OUT THE YEAR..GOOD LUCK BOYS...
The truth is we aren't mind readers communication is important women and men do not speak a different language...Speak up people tell each other what you want and need out of a relationship you might actually have a better marriage because of it...
I am just another married gal ..my life is not perfect, like any marriage mines a work in progress but I do have a few tricks up my sleeve..and when I look back I will be able to say I sure did have a beautiful and fulling marriage...

Now I am off to court my husband ;D

No Marriage is easy or perfect...

 I had been married before to a lying, cheating, abusive despicable excuse of a man..I should of known he was a horrible man because he had such hatred for his mother and prior girlfriend..but I was 16 when we met young, naive and inexperienced... I left the marriage in 1994 I bounced in and out of various types of bad relationships...until I met Pachenko in 2001 I looked to my friend and said I am going to marry that boy one day..and 1 year later May 2002 I did just that we got a sitter for my 3 girls found a JP and got married by the sweetest oldest judge in history...we then spent the evening at a favorite place of mine that happens to have little jacuzzi suites..I had gotten a small round single layer cake and put red flowers on top because we knew we were going to have red as are wedding color for our big wedding in 2004..
Anyways I was beyond ecstatic that day...then in 2004 we had a parasite a co-worker of Pachenkos who decided she liked my husband better then her own..I almost let her innuendos ruin our marriage ...nothing happened between them my husband is a pillar of strength and now all these years later I realize how very lucky I am to have him..he is amazing..for 5 years I pushed and pushed him away..
I let all my doubts and insecurities eat away at the love and trust I originally had in my husband ..to the point that I told him to go away..I needed space and time to think..to re-evaluate what was important if I wanted to stay married...
It wasn't until Pachenko left to go to BCT in Sept 2009 with me still wanting that space..once he was gone I started realizing how much I did love him, miss him and want to save our marriage...So I made my decision that my marriage comes first now that I want to focus on making that stronger and building it back to where it use to be..
Absence does make the heart grow fonder...
when all is said and done we will be apart for 8 months...but even though I miss him it's the best thing that has ever happened to us..to our marriage...today I watched Fireproof I had heard mixed reviews from people from it's got tons of religious overtures to it was amazing..I am going with it was amazing I was already on the right path to keeping my marriage strong but I think it's important that my husband and I don't take each other for granted ever again..
I have already suggested Fireproof to a friend having problems..and will continue to do so...I also felt the overwhelming urge to email my husband an apology...He doesn't know I watched Fireproof I don't even know if he knows about the movie..maybe when all is said and done I will tell him about it..until then I am glad that he had enough love, patience and faith in me and our marriage to put up with my insecure craziness...I am glad I found my sanity, cleared my mind, got my head on straight and followed my heart back to where it's always been ...with my soul mate..I love you Pachenko...who by the way never reads my blog :D

Christmas Exodus ...the begining

Well Pachenko came home for Christmas lucky for us his flight was right on time and he managed to get out of Virginia before the big snow fell and stranded holiday travelers..Thank you God..So he arrived home Dec 19th greeted at the door by his girls

 of course the one with the tears flowing was our 15 yr old she loves her daddy..poor kid stood at the top of the stairs balling...of course I snapped a photo of it..I love these moments..

One of the things Pachenko and I commented on during day 2 of him being home ...it was like he never left we fell back into our routine. When he left I printed off a bunch of 5x7 and 8x10's of Pachenko with the girls and ones of Pachenko and me to put around the house I knew that his biggest worry was the girls forgetting him especially the little ones..mostly the twins because they are shy to begin with..I admit I was a little worried about Charolette she's the Leary twin..but in this case she was the first one at the door jumping into her daddys arms..
It was a nice Christmas quiet just the family...other then some minor teenage drama it was one of the nicest Christmases ever...I guess we just realized how Thankful we are to have time together.. we really didn't do too much while Pachenko was home..we went out to lunch a couple of times just the 2 of us date time is nice..and Pachenko went to Olivias school and gave a little Apache Helicopter demo it was cute and I was really proud of Pachenko for coming out of his shell..he usually is so quiet..He says he doesn't see any change in himself but I do he is more confident, more out going, he is more high speed then he use to be, he walks, talks and acts with more confidence then he's had in years..it's awesome seeing him be the guy that I fell in love with..to see him really excited about his MOS...and what he is learning
As much as I hear him say that he doesn't want to be " That Guy" he is..he is my husband, my friend, the father of my daughters and he is our hero..He is That Guy...He is my guy...

I will do another post later on Pachenko leaving later today...right now I am going to see it, take it and make it mine...

On a Greyhound bus to somewhere & then nowhere lol

So last minute SURPRISE trip to go see Pachenko graduate BCT in Ft Benning GA traveling via Greyhound bus from Montana..3 days there 3 days back yeah well that was the plan.

I left Kalispell on Saturday the day after black friday a smart person would of rested prior to this trip but no not me I went black friday shopping at 4:30AM. So on Saturday at noon I board the bus and rode 6 hours to Billings MT where I had a 7 hour layover which was during the middle of the night So obviously I just sat there all night waching episodes of season 1 FlashPoint that I just happened to have saved on my laptop. After going 24 hours without sleep I relaized I needed to take little naps on the bus 10 minute power naps god forbid I miss one of the 6 transfers scheduled. Bus travel is interesting I met some ummm real characters sitting on a seat reading a book I thought I kept getting my stuck between the 2 seats. Yes I was wrong there was a odd man sitting behind me and after the 4th tug I realized he was messing with my hair when I turned around and asked hom what he was doing he said "sorry I like red hair" I put my hood up on my sweater ewww. I was " adopted" along the way by some older guys who were nice enough to make some of the odder characters steer clear...Sitting in Chicago charging my cell phone I was approached by a guy who looked straight up hood my "adopted chaperone" told the guy to keep on rolling by and not to talk to his "wife" mind you I think the adopted chaperon was Refrigerator Perry (sp?) lol big ass guy...in all honesty my bus trip to Georgia was relatively smooth and uneventful.

When I arrived in Georgia I realized what a toll the long trip had on me my feet, ankles and legs were beyond swollen ewww not a pretty sight..

Now on to the return trip left Columbus GA at 5PM arrived in Atlanta for a 6 hour layover when I went to the ticket counter and inquired about eating establishments around the bus station I was told "you can't go outside" I asked why? and was told " it's not safe for white girls outside" ok that was just so wrong I am sure Atlanta is a nice place.

let's see I accidentally fell asleep and when I woke up this man was sitting next to me. He excitedly tells me he just got out of prison had been in for 10 years and "hey you are the first women I have seen and talked to in 10 years" yeah me yep this is what I woke up too..sleeping on the bus is dangerous..
Next the are was a crazy native american guy pushing 60 he was drinking hand sanitizer mixed with water cocktails and was loaded...anyways at one point he approached me while I was reading bear hugged me, licked my face and hair all while spilling his soda on me...as I asked some of the guys on the bus to HELP which they did ..seriously freaked me out ..the guys were watching Matrix some buses have dvd players with built in screens...anyways during the group orgy sex scene the crazy indian said he was so hard he could hurt someone with his erection oh and that he was going to just pull it out and jerk off...yep needless to say I am not traveling by greyhound bus again..

Oh and due to some bus fluffup when I reached South Dakota they had no bus to Montana so they sent us back to Nebraska then to Colorado and Wyoming...finally I reached Billings from Billings to Missoula we were on a bus with no heat and it was neg 50 on bus seriously the bus driver checked the bus temp...I think most of us passed out from the cold..
Once I arrived in Missoula I thought I was safe however when we got there they informed me that there was no bus to take me to Kalispell another fluffup on there part lol so eventually they got a shuttle van to take me to Kalispell...
I hate the bus but I loved seeing Pachenko...so all in all it was worth it..